"i think i stepped on something." jack climbed up the beanstalk, or was it some sort of a tamarind vine that only grows in far mountainous forest landscapes of mainland asia.
"but i am not jack." or so we think.
we turned a fifty-five a week ago, a quarter meter away, snooping just around the thatches, in eve's humble garden.
the other night, a young man was traversing his way home, embarked on a public bus, frantically waiting for the roads to lose sight of tall skyscrapers and graffiti walls, away from carnation grills and early-bird profile banners for a future local elections. the young man anticipated something he could not direct his attention clearly at - he wavered from the left bus window to the driver, and back to the right bus window beside him, glanced outside and saw the multitude of cement faces gradually disappear behind him. he felt re-assured, and as he glanced towards the night, he saw an ever familiar face smile down at him before the clouds swept her away.
he remembered very well what he unconsciously blurted out to his colleagues, and it somehow troubled him - the very conception that - "i strongly feel that i am not of this world, and i have dreamed this for the longest time that by the time i reach mid-age, someone from far away will fetch me and take me away to my real home," as he did feel alien to the very place he grew up to know as home.
blasa subtly played as he felt his mobile phone vibrate from within his knapsack. a message from lanexang came and read phong gives his regards. he tried reading your message but could not make any sense from it. he asked if you remember what happened in loohangpabh. they must be drinking he thought, and what did happen in loohangpabh that had to be remembered and emphasized in a drinking session. does he mean noi? i do remember her quite well as she even manages to haunt me in my dreams. she did manage to haunt him, seeing her barge teasingly inside his room, frolic young and naked to his bed, and slide within his covers. he remembered her very well indeed.
she also dreamt of you, phong said laughingly. he asked if you want her number so you can contact her. and he had to be the main subject of their drinking session - it could not be about the dream of course as it was his unilateral unconscious gesture of his fantasy about her. but if she did dream about him, he relished the idea that it was a fated cosmic meeting to consummate their desires for each other. i have her number already. although i'd be more interested to know about vilay's number.
then he realized the bus had reached its final stop, more or less ten kilometers from where he had to disembark. late at night, without any recourse to go back, he scrambled away from the terminal in the middle of nowhere. finding a guesthouse hidden by patches of rice fields and grasslands, he knocked for a room. after paying fifty, he was given a key, a towel, and a bottle of water, and slowly walked towards the end room, where brightness was gradually being consumed by the dark, thinking, believing, that at the end of the line, someone was waiting to pick him up.
it was that i found her kneeling before a pagoda, sunset flowers on her hand, with two lit candles and three burning incenses before the altar in front of her, praying desperately for - a sign maybe, or someone. alone in a midst of a throng of devotee mothers and visiting families, a budding flower she glistened lost in a pandemonium of prayers and offerings.
as if a breath of the ancient river drew her attention to where i was standing, observing, waiting, she glanced quietly from her shoulders, and i felt my eyes aflame with recognition and gently douse of an innocent longing at a face i did see more than once in my dreams, as we found ourselves drawn together astride.
the falling leaves drift by the window. the autumn leaves of red and gold... i see your lips, the summer kisses, the sunburned hands, i used to hold. gradually, she wrapped her arms around my waist and clasped her hands behind my back. her gentle face deftly pressed on my left shoulder, it was an embrace that somehow intimately meant... forever. i fretted to reciprocate but nonetheless found my right hand caressing her head to her hair... and my left arm - cupped gently towards her waist.
i felt her shun a tear from her face, subtly wipe her eyes on my shoulder. and i could not but allow myself to be engulfed by this moment - with her and whatever deep-set burden she was heaving, even if it took eternity to waft her loneliness away. since you went away, the days grow long, and soon i'll hear ol' winter's song. but i miss you most of all my darling, when autumn leaves start to fall. as it took for her presence to cure mine.
"an idle mind is a devil's workshop," so i was told by an inanimate, or i heard.
"but the mind is always in a state of processing - creating, replicating one thought after another, a constant flux of irregularly upbeat-downbeat chores and dishes, unwashed plates, spoons and forks, at times barred but always resounding to the pull of an atmospheric gravity," he continues.
because i am buying time before i start another serious sit-down with the wild, i am giving mr. palawan and his elongated nose a moment to restore his reputation as a wooden doll on my table... "what was that again?"
"having sex without love. memories of my melancholy whores. sex is the consolation you have when you can't love. three shoes may fit my hat, but no gloves can choose to do what my one-eyed eel can."
"gloves? you mean your ha--"
"hands or no hands, because i don't, in fact i have beads, satisfaction by the nose-bleed, they peak thorns in the wayside...
a bit of rubbing of my pen, a few times or even more, repetitively we dip it again and again within a crevice - flows my pen - becomes a fountain - explodes!
and creates life in onion-skin paper.
"care to elaborate?"
"number one, what is the moral lesson of 3:10 to yuma? number two, was vengeance justified in the brave one? number three, purchasing a nikon 50mm f/1.8d lens and remote control through ebay achieves what? number four, will you actually wear your first ever up maroons shirt, even after spending around eight years in the university, you just bought?"
"space creates time, and time creates space. we will be fazed by the vastness of this screw-driver."
"she hasn't really left my consciousness yet, i apologize. her face still disturbs me - still drowns me in my reality of singleness. despite my resolve to find deeper levels of intimacy here, she haunts me still..."
g is going to bicol this weekend to engage an affair with the butanding, and, if more luck has it her way, dance with fireflies. wow! nakakainggit naman!syempre, the farthest i have been in bicol was when i had a short-term tryst with isarog, a couple of times in naga city (when i was still with the philippine sports commission and the last time before and after isarog), once in a road trip from naga city to daet for a party upon an impromptu invitation from congressman unico to my former commissioner boss and i. at obviously summer na summer na nga, ang init nakakalagkit ng buong araw kaya feeling mo, ang baho mo na matapos ilang minuto sa labas (o sa loob, kulob na walang aircon).
pwede ba akong sumama sa donsol? di ako pabigat, hayaan mo autistic din ako. gusto ko lang magsummer din na walang isip na trabaho (at umaasang walang maiisip na trabaho, pano ba naman, advocacy mo na trabaho, bahagi talaga ng bawat makikita mo at makakasalamuha mo sa paligid). no worries, this time, as in, no work, and all play!
pero aalis din pala ako sa lunes, sa bohol, di para magliwaliw, trabaho din, at ang matindi pa - usaping agrofuels, climate change at rice crisis ang tutuntungan ngayon - kung kelan katabi mo na ang beach ng panglao, ang ilog ng loboc, ang chocolate hills ng carmen at sagbayan, ang dolphins papuntang pamilacan, mga kwebang malalalim, malalagkit at kaakit-akit, ang palapit na pyesta sa may at sangkatutak na kabusugan at bring-home sa bawat tahanan... taena, trabaho muna tayo bai...dahil matapos dito ay magmamadali naman tumungo sa north cotabato, na ano kayang bago ang pwedeng puntahan - ang skyline? o magtacurong na lang at tiisin ang panggigigil habang manonood ng mga belly-full dancers tuwing gabi.
tulad ni g, (mukhang iba pala ito dahil) isa sa mga favorite kong gawin ay magplano ng mga lakad at imaximize ang mga byahe upang makapasyal sa mga lugar na mahirap puntahan muli. pero ngayon, gusto ko magplano at pumunta sa tawi-tawi. sinong gusto sumama? kahit ako lang mag-isa tutuloy ako kung plantsado ko na, kebs na lang kung may sasama at mapansing nagiging autistic ako.
at parang di ko pa nababalikan si manong andiso ng bakun... at ang pagpunta muli sa siquijor upang magsaliksik...
at ang magtrek mula kinakin hanggang cambulo hanggang batad at dumiretso ng sagada... at ang makita ang mayon ng malapitan (at hindi lang mula sa tuktok ni isarog)...
at ang maakyat na si apo...
at balikan muli si pulag (kahit sa ambangeg pa yan pero mas mabuti na makita ang ganda ng akiki)...
at pano ang kilakiron at kalatungan ng bukidnon, at ang bumisita muli kay dulang-dulang at kitanglad... daghan diay... isa-isa lang.
it didn't take too long that even before the sun had set, the group decided to eat outside in what might be considered a reputable restaurant in tacurong - offering a variety of dishes from litson manok to sinigang na isda to tsapsuy - which we undoubtedly ordered as a fitting humble celebration after a long tiring sojourn to a remote barangay in nearby municipality of bagumbayan.
"lami kaayo kining manok!"
"mao ba."
"i was just thinking, pariho ba gidak-on tanang manok sa restaurants? halimbawa,dire or sa jollibee?"
"opkors! naa'y standards mga restaurants sa size ng mga manok."
"are you sure? para sa kin, malabong saktong pare-pareho. Unsaon man karapatan tanang manok nga mahimong niwang, bug-at or lainlain dili pareho ang porma?"
"siryus ka bai?"
"yan ang problema. tan-aw nato sa manok mabaw. one day, mag-revenge mga manok, just think of it, a chicken armed struggle!"
"that's not possible. every 45 days, pinapatay na mga manok. unsa mahimong epekto ni sa tawo??"
"what if all chickens decide to kill themselves outright? mahimo mo ba sa pagkaon sang double-dead chicken?"
"sus! naa pork, beef og fish!"
"and what if they also join in the chicken's armed struggle?"
"mga buang ba kayo? chicken armed struggle? nabun-og ba kayo kaninasa motor? way klaro!"
"sa tanaw ninyo! i'm sure you've all heard of cows jumping off cliffs to kill themselves, chickens that intentionally cross the streets to get run over or chicken that overfeed themselves, pigs that go crazy and berserk, fish that force themselves out of the water to die. those are the signs!"
"do you mean they all intended those to happen? sabi sa dyaryo, aksidente ang mga yun."
"alam niyo bakit tumataas ang presyo ng pagkain, nauubos daw supply ng bigas? why there are still so many people in the world going hungry? the struggle has started long before but the signs are ever present today."
"and what do chickens have to do with the soaring prices?"
"they're all connected - bigas, mais, kamote, prutas, baboy, manok, isda, baka - it's one big conspiracy for the world to recognize and respect their - identities..."
"you're nuts! if that's true, and i'm nuts asking this, but are we doing something to prevent this from happening? and how in the first place do we communicate to them?"
"actually we're not doing anything substantial so far. it's really saddening - kaluoy jud silatanan."
"coincidence lang. dapat nga thankful sila kasi we make use of our knowledge and techniques so they don't go hungry. Naa manok ba magtrabaho para pagka-on? they don't work and they don't go hungry. what more can you ask for?"
"and there shows our high regard for ourselves, we think the world can't go on living without us but we've actually managed to make the world more miserable. sa manok, they can still live even without us, and far better off being free and happy. But now, they live miserably in cages and being overfed. If before, magenjoy sila magpahabol at magpahuli, karon, unsa pa ba relevance nila?"
"pipol, tama na yan. di ata tama mag-away kayo about chickens over dinner. lipat tayo didto sa sinko."
it never did take too long that the group found themselves traversing the semi-darkness towards a far table with a remarkable overview of the stage at baryo sinko. over bottles of colt45, and minus a long far-fetched discourse on chickens and rights, they managed to keep peace in seeming awe at the dancing and music from three lady performers - the oldest among the three which he conveniently ascribed the name of viva senora would roughly convert to the age of forty-five or more, sporting a black skirt that nearly translated into an underskirt, a black brassiere-like vest that covered pretty much what needed to be covered, and tall black boots - well-figured body that looked aged underneath powder and cosmetics; the second nicked geraldine was younger probably at her early twenties branded already by the locals with her distinctly "her" dance and her repetitively long glances at the mirror to fix herself after every song performance - very self-conscious, morena and angelic, and definitely able-bodied, sported a black shirt-like blouse and long jeans on tall sandals; the third he called tempest was probably the most divine in terms of performance, skill and the ability to drive your innermost passion to beast-like - wearing dark vest-like top and a mini-skirt - not too skimpy to taint disrespect but just above expectations to reveal her navel and thighs as a flavor to awaken the less imaginative minds.
"we have another request, way back into love. thank you...," which actually sounded more like "wihanarikwist, way back into love..."
"bai, i tell you i never understood what she said but she's just hot. i think that's the song we requested."
"manguwag na ta unya ba? hehehe"
"seryus bai! sa ila? kay tigulang na usa sa ilaha ba? around late 40's! dili ba sila maghukas diri?"
"dili diri. didto ta sa usa, duol diri. or didto sa isulan."
"all along, akala ko controversial ang sinko. controversial diay kay tigulang jud ang performer og murag way na baro!"
"okey bai. til sunrise na to og magjigjag na ta tanan pag-uli!"
and all along, he thought, he only wanted a way back into falling in love. chickens over dinner, music over beer, the more he found himself lost in a blackhole of searching for the best opportunity to settle down.
the other night, a young man was traversing his way home, embarked on a public bus, frantically waiting for the roads to lose sight of tall skyscrapers and graffiti walls, away from carnation grills and early-bird profile banners for a future local elections. the young man anticipated something he could not direct his attention clearly at - he wavered from the left bus window to the driver, and back to the right bus window beside him, glanced outside and saw the multitude of cement faces gradually disappear behind him. he felt re-assured, and as he glanced towards the night, he saw an ever familiar face smile down at him before the clouds swept her away.
as if a breath of the ancient river drew her attention to where i was standing, observing, waiting, she glanced quietly from her shoulders, and i felt my eyes aflame with recognition and gently douse of an innocent longing at a face i did see more than once in my dreams, as we found ourselves drawn together astride.
g is going to bicol this weekend to engage an affair with the butanding, and, if more luck has it her way, dance with fireflies. wow! nakakainggit naman! syempre, the farthest i have been in bicol was when i had a short-term tryst with isarog, a couple of times in naga city (when i was still with the philippine sports commission and the last time before and after isarog), once in a road trip from naga city to daet for a party upon an impromptu invitation from congressman unico to my former commissioner boss and i. at obviously summer na summer na nga, ang init nakakalagkit ng buong araw kaya feeling mo, ang baho mo na matapos ilang minuto sa labas (o sa loob, kulob na walang aircon).
pero aalis din pala ako sa lunes, sa bohol, di para magliwaliw, trabaho din, at ang matindi pa - usaping agrofuels, climate change at rice crisis ang tutuntungan ngayon - kung kelan katabi mo na ang beach ng panglao, ang ilog ng loboc, ang chocolate hills ng carmen at sagbayan, ang dolphins papuntang pamilacan, mga kwebang malalalim, malalagkit at kaakit-akit, ang palapit na pyesta sa may at sangkatutak na kabusugan at bring-home sa bawat tahanan... taena, trabaho muna tayo bai...dahil matapos dito ay magmamadali naman tumungo sa north cotabato, na ano kayang bago ang pwedeng puntahan - ang skyline? o magtacurong na lang at tiisin ang panggigigil habang manonood ng mga belly-full dancers tuwing gabi.
tulad ni g, (mukhang iba pala ito dahil) isa sa mga favorite kong gawin ay magplano ng mga lakad at imaximize ang mga byahe upang makapasyal sa mga lugar na mahirap puntahan muli. pero ngayon, gusto ko magplano at pumunta sa tawi-tawi. sinong gusto sumama? kahit ako lang mag-isa tutuloy ako kung plantsado ko na, kebs na lang kung may sasama at mapansing nagiging autistic ako.
