an almost affair

it was almost like too good to be true, as there he was, arriving with enough time to pray and move about, waiting for her arrival.

at five in the afternoon, the sun was beginning to falter at the far west, sending orange light to skirmish above the sky, and fade into deep blue to the far east. it was almost too good a moment... to capture... with the fading light... two souls drawn together... gazing towards a yonder east, almost under the umbrage of fast- appearing moonlight, for perhaps a blessed future together.

and fifteen minutes past the meeting time, she never came, and he went home, feeling that the moment indeed was too good to be true, and the stars could not be glistened amidst an almost perfect clear darkening sky, and the moon seemed to wane in the far distant abyss, and the sun already fading out of the overpowering night...


in toto

i often have that strange and lingering dream of an unknown woman whom i love and who loves me... and every time, she's neither quite the same nor completely different... and she loves me and understands me... is she a brunette, a blonde or a redhead? i don't know... her name i remember sounds soft and melodious like life's exiled lovers... her gaze is that of a statue... her voice is faraway, calm and low... it has the tone of cherished voices since silenced

(toto le heros)


will be will be

there are times, a lot of times, when we feel the world is not nice, and so we in turn become not nice. why be proper, why be pleasant, why be nice, when we get nothing similar in return. they say, "don't be nice." we say, "who's saying we're nice. bullshit our asses."

and part of this whole un--niceness and bullshit, we become cowards, even to the point that we hide our individual selves under under the collective "us", "we", when in fact all we really know it's just the "i", the "me", who cowers in the un-niceties and bullshit that the "i", the "me", perceives the world to give.

and part of the cowardice is to digress from, and distract the "they", the "them", from the "i", the "we", and the main concern about niceties and bullshit. even divert the issue of the "you" to an escapist third person the "she", the "he", the "him", the "her", the "they", the "them".

and the negativities take their toll on creativity, productivity, and direction.

but who can say what life or the world may bring... we may have to take life or the world as it comes. however tough it may get, it can't be helped. the un-niceties, the bullshit, as hard or as dirty they may come, they come and they can't be helped but to take them in and overcome them. to boil the negative energy to steam, we might as well take life as it is, take them as they are, whatever will be will be. we get through them, not necessarily copping out in cowardice. we face what the world blows on us, what life has in store for us. que sera sera, they say. (yamadas) such is a lesson in... of life.

in the same way, enemies are limitless in space. we cannot possibly overcome all our enemies. but overcoming what creates enemies, if one can overcome hatred perhaps, this can be equal to overcoming all enemies. if a problem can be solved, why be unhappy? and if it cannot be solved, what is the use of being unhappy? (phorpa)

so i hide behind a gabi leaf, peering through the holes on what i believe to be the gabi's eyes. and i see the world changed... life changed... as it seemed to have grown smaller, and more focused. as the world i want and see the world to be.

the world, life, the "i", the "you", the "him" or "her", even the "they", everything becomes relevant, hard, nice, beautiful, auspicious, negative, steam, powerful, even bullshit. depends on which eyes we look through. and from the gabi's eyes, i saw buson writing...

the ocean in spring,
the gentle rolling of the waves,
all day long.


i hear water

i hear nothing more than the rage of the thunderstorm...
ravaging slopes and ravines in rolling rivers
and rushing falls.

i hear crisp as i step on dried leaves on cushioned floors...
the calmness of mirrored trees in leveled waters
trickles new.

from kuangxi falls, luangphrabang (may 2008)


nam ngum (ນ້ຳງືມ) lake/reservoir, vientiane

Nam Ngum Reservoir is the largest water impoundment in Laos; it was created in 1971 by the construction of a dam 75m in height across the Nam Ngum River, about three km upstream from its confluence with the Nam Lik. The reservoir was conceived primarily for the production of hydro-electric power and flood control. It is fed by five rivers, the Nam Ngum, Nam Sane, Nam Ke, Nam Pat and Nam Xi, and many smaller streams rising in the surrounding hills. It overflows into the Nam Ngum River which joins the Mekong River about 60 km to the southeast. The impoundment created numerous small islands in five major island groups varying in size from about 75 ha to 500 ha. The timber was not removed from the basin before the closure of the dam and so the entire water surface is dotted with emergent dead trees. (Source: ARCBC)

The lake is situated about 80km to the North of Vientiane. The beautiful scenery over the Nam Ngum river and its green valley is enhanced by the presence of a vast, spectacular lake. This is a man-made reservoir of an hydroelectric power dam, generating most of the electricity sold to Thailand. The forests with a big variety of woods is still there on the thousands of islands dotting the lake. It is a rewarding experience to cruise around by motor-boat or spend the day or the week-end at the many bungalows or on the "floating restaurant boat" to enjoy the picturesque scenes of water, island, forests and charming fishing-villages. (Source: NTALao)


as night nears by the blue mosque

as night nears by the blue mosque
i hear what seems
like chanting to my ears
or singing
or praying
that only the heavens could
understandingly hear

as night nears
i see myself
invited to converge
with the chanting
and singing
and praying

to the heavens above the blue mosque
i find myself raised
and bathed in red.


when the dogs eat you alive

i was told
no matter how much you believe in the nobility of what you do
never put your whole heart, your whole soul
lest you get burned
and end that the passion and energy you invested
get sucked
and lost
in one big black hole

i never wanted to believe
until it saw me through

(and told another time
when the world does not wish to invest in its member
but seeks to entertain another
it's better to get away
before your passion and energy you invested
end up sucked
and lost
in one big black hole)

that is
when the dogs you work for try to eat you alive


from rubbles to a giant spider

part of the house has been in rubbles for almost a week.

from the rubbles, out came a giant spider that surfed through the room and silently disappeared.

now back to the work i am finishing.


from pakse to vientiane: saravane/khammouane roads

from the first point i made my first step, the dust swamped the humid air.

i was told, take the short road to comfort,

but life said,
long roads may take men and women nowhere and anywhere,

lost and beaten, tired and weighed,
long roads take you to me

and the comfort of knowing you have me.


i lost sleep

i lost sleep five times today
and three times last night.
i could have but i did not
and she has traveled almost
three or five hours away.

i rushed to catch her at twelve
but caught myself doing something else.
i tried again at one and came two
and by four but, she slipped past me
not thrice or four but five times more.

i lost sleep just now a sixth time
since i am still a-----writing,
hopeful, in the last three or four
or even five words more ~