he whimpered, and then cursed faintly a few times in his head, not so much because he cared about the paperwork or the money as because he needed to maintain his good nerves. to do this he needed a degree of cooperation from the world around him.
truly he agreed to himself, the problem was money and the humiliation one suffers without it. each new gadget, high-priced durable apparel, and moderately-efficient yet dashing SUV he saw was a torment. he never was covetous, and he didn't feel so much of envy. but without money he felt hardly a man, and felt as if he couldn't find a woman to complete his sense of agency... a woman... the foundation of manhood... apparently, his manhood, having felt the loneliness seep in his being for the longest time and the desperation to feel the intimate warmth of a woman to cup his impetus.
"hey you're not alone. you have friends around you but you keep them at a distance, which is why you feel lonely." a message came to meet him dully through his phone.
he believed, mind over his fate he was fated to live a life of distance and loneliness, haunted by his ghosts of what could have been, being, that he is, incapable of intimacy.
"hey don't worry. my parents went home this noon so i'm alone. my flight is on wednesday afternoon. ah this is what i truly miss about the big city, i can be lost and anonymous in the crowd."
"oh. but you are fortunate you can experience both worlds, and get to compare the good things each has to offer. really, i am happy for you." he realized he sounded neurotic and seriously hoped she did not notice that his depression was starting to hit in. "by the way, where are you eating? and what do you intend to do before your return?"
"i was eating at the bistro. i'm set to meet my buddies for lunch tomorrow then i have to meet my boss on tuesday before i leave for the province. i'm on my way home, don't want to risk the weather."
"i like it when the storm's bad. i always get this fantasy of getting stranded alone someplace far." the idea of being a stranger in someplace unfamiliar, he always lived in the city with short glimpses of the unfamiliar during work travels. the thought pretty much gave him a sincere interest, less of a hard-on.