when you start to walk away

this time of the year, i noticed, must be when flowers are eager to bloom. i also recently noticed how i subconsciously conditioned myself to anticipate the scent of sampaguita lining the narrow alleyway to home. you, i know, of all people, can appreciate this more.

you asked me a few times before if you can call me dear, love, or darling. i simply brushed aside the idea, as if i never heard or it should not matter. but it did and it still does. especially now that we have not heard from each other for a month or so and just recently, not seemingly out of hindsight or a lapse of intent, you referred to me as brother. i never heard, i never read, it should not matter, i thought, but somewhere deep inside stung. that i might have just taken that alleyway of forever losing the expectation and anticipation of perhaps a more committed walk with you. just like any flower to lose the fragrance and be forgotten. a solitary shadow dying by the onset of forever light.