it's because i can't tell anymore if i should start moving on, or could there still be a flicker of hope left which a little more patience and a lot of persistence could remedy. he wrote on a messenger window while in deep thought, struck and worried, hesitated a few seconds before hitting the return key to send his thought bubble to his good friend from another province ten hours away. i can't fly now. with a tight three weeks left. it's just not possible now. and i fear that after, i might face a loss. if that be the case, heaven forbid but find me a floater where the mekong ceases to be.
if that be the jewel you found and the jewel you're willing to give up your life with... echoed a message from that other side. go and fly. find yourself ready for whatever might happen. it may in fact be the only way for you to find direction in your life. be it for the worst, you will move on and find another, for the best, i am sure both of you will find a compromise for a workable tryst.
he feigned a long silence, long enough for the other party to think some sort of hardware malfunction, long enough to call it a night. a long night to start thinking about the how's and what's next.