and i saw her standing there

a feeling was left hanging - disappointment, frustration, a certain longing, an amalgamation in a deep breath carried by a listless view of a place now far away from where he is now. it was curious as this had never happened recently before, that is, less than a span of a few years. he never did think of undergoing a same confusion as many years back when he attempted to coo a woman from school - so as to attempt a closure of forever not having made his feelings known. closing that chapter of rejection in his life then, the feeling would have almost been lost in the back attics were it not for that long night of merrymaking and realizing that its ardor was once again a-flamed upon remembering long glimpses of her...

hours before in that afternoon as she swayed herself with grace outside the car, a short look at him with a flurry of a sincere smile to send himself swirling back again to memories of forlorn fondness.

"i don't know. i never got her number or address, and i'm leaving tomorrow."

"she's pretty huh. you like her? she's 24," b said.

"yes. indeed she is. but maybe she has a boyfriend. don't you think so?"

"i know she doesn't. if she does, then it's competition for you. you like her a lot eh?"

"you're right. competition," and he never had thought of being competitive for women, as disappointment started to take his eyes off the side-mirror complacently adjusted to still see her as she went off to wait for possibly a tuk-tuk ride.

"so tonight, we go out and drink beer and eat eel. it's good."

"ah yes," as the thought of his last night's beer drinking relieved him temporarily of that forlorn feeling for her. and he never did get her name, and felt embarrassed even to ask b in more detail about her, "so it will be fun tonight eh."

"yes, we'll go out to friends' beer. it's maybe five kilometers from the center. maybe, fifteen minutes to get there. we'll have beer and eel."

"fun. thanks so much."


it took more or less twenty minutes to get to friends' beer, a bar located near the outskirts of the city beside the highway. with a marvelous view of rice-lands stretching almost to the horizon, it was gradually eaten from view by the fog as the late afternoon slowly turned into night. it was then with the enveloping darkness of the horizon that initiated the night of a fun-filled drinking among friends and almost strangers, as he was almost a stranger to most of them, as did the women that came and left in the bar through the night were initially strangers then turned acquaintances.

rounds of beer came and left as each hour passed. the beer lady came and became friendlier as the night wore on. mon was her name and he was never able to take his eyes off of her - the height, the face and the smile all too well reminded him of back home and sent a cringing frustration through his spine. much as he wanted to become more than friendly, the barrier of differences that each spoke was enough to lull any exciting moment into utter downed frustration. he could only do so much as smile at her when she glanced, smile more when she poured beer one after another to his emptied glass, and offer a limited complement through b when she fretted a second time to become more friendly with him.

"r, look behind you. i think she wants to talk to you," b exclaimed suddenly after quite an insightful discussion about revolutions, parties and memberships.

"ah who?," and he glanced at his back and saw a fair-skinned pleasant pretty face, amidst the karaoke revelry and interspersed yellow and red light to temper the darkness, "ay hello miss. you speak english?"

and the conversation continued on between the two for a few minutes with b jeering beside him in his indistinct local language. she said she worked in the nearby hospital as a nurse and she welcomed him contacting her anytime and meeting her when he comes back. he was pleased with himself, as he did almost believe himself to grow old dry and shriveling hopelessly for a glimmer of intimacy from a woman's loving embrace, as a beatles' song slowly and mellowly repeated in his head "and i saw her standing there."


it was a night of revelry and merry-drinking, building friendships and meeting new acquaintances, of realizations and rekindling of a lost youth and core principles. he may have found himself, after a long time, to be in that confusing disposition as love. and he may have felt, with longingness and fondness, her always standing there.