when jade tarnishes

i heard the door close behind ~ shutting them off from me, shutting me off from everyone else. more doors shun me.
i heard calls for what sounded like my name or could be of somebody else's. i deeply felt a compulsion of resentment to turn my back to all of them.

i have withered. i have lost all there is to keep lives and goals vibrant. they are eating the depleting remains of more than two years of hopeful expectations. choosing between a status quo offer, jaded it has become, or an unsure frontier. we only have to make one step.

i close my eyes and see only darkness. allow me to drown in a stuporous consciousness and wake up newly born.


bird condo

if my calculations are correct, there could be four kinds of birds perched in this tree...
location: sta.ana, cagayan

common pigeon

for lack of any information what and how to call this...
location: bangkok, thailand

eurasian tree sparrow

or maya...
scientific name: passer montanus
habitat: on every inhabited island in association with humans from cities to cultivation, particularly in ricefields
birdwatch note: common, introduced species. white cheek with black spot, black throat and chestnut top of head.
location: bangkok, thailand

info source: birdwatch.ph


a wild guess that this is a mountain shrike
scientific name: lanius validirostris
habitat: montane forests 1000m but more conspicuous in forest clearings and edge
birdwatch note: endemic, told from all other shrikes by uniform grey upperparts and thick black bill
location: baguio city

this one could be a brown shrike although the photo could not lend any more clarity as to the color of its upperparts which appeared more of grey or dark brown when shot.
scientific name: lanius cristatus
habitat: all habitats in all locations
birdwatch note: common migrant. noisy and conspicuous...

location: sta.ana, cagayan valley

info source: birdwatch.ph

whiskered tern

scientific name
: chlidonias hybridus
habitat: bays and tidal flats to ricefields
birdwatch note: common migrant. flies over water, dives head first to catch prey.
location: tagbilaran, bohol

info source: birdwatch.ph


not particularly sure if it's white-collared or rufouslored.

location: buenavista, bohol

location: tagbilaran, bohol

great egret

scientific name: egretta alba
habitat: coastal marshes to ricefields

location: bayawan negros oriental.

location: sta.ana cagayan

info source: birdwatch.ph


Losing the natural balance of dreams (2000)

On the very old decrepit wooden bench,
Situated beside where two tables and intimates
Commence their day after day academic existence,
You are sitting with that certain angelic poise,
Gliding through the yellowed chapters of a natural balance
In illumination.
Akin to the concealing clouds, underneath
Your immeasurable propensity to be esteemed,
You waft them clear,
Unbelievably with ease.
This intense intimacy overcasts
The man you frequently confer
With words,
Words that can settle any ecstasy of the heart,
As I am peeled to gradually confess
An intention of reimbursing
My unreciprocated fondness.
The truth that life denies some love to be realized,
The flurrying immensity of this
Tambayan uproar
Drowns me to keep my sadness
From overflowing;
Watching you,
Day after day across two-table measures,
Breeze through the yellowed chapters of some college book,
And with your eyes
Focused on the semblance I assume to be –
But the possibility of it all is adrift,
As this man’s existence steals away
My thoughtless, clouded dreams.


anguib, sta. ana, cagayan

commercial developments have not reached to a minimum extent a hidden cove in sta.ana cagayan which houses the anguib beach. fortunate for those who still look for the more or less virgin state of a precious natural location, and long for a rugged travel either by boat on rough waters or land transport on rough roads. not fortunate enough for those wanting an easy way out (or in) to a boracay-like nook with boracay-like commercial establishments. as i was told, developments might already come pouring in where half of the location is owned by enrile, and the remaining parts... i'm not really sure.

before, the cove can only easily be reached by boat. now one can traverse rough roads... being developed allegedly for plans for mining activities around the area, which have been a big cause for concern for local residents. i'm particularly worried about the old-growth mangrove cover that beheld me on a motorbike to the beach.

how i got here:
12 hour bus ride from manila to gonzaga, cagayan (a non-stop 7pm florida bus in sampaloc terminal took almost 12hours to arrive in gonzaga); an hour jeep ride from gonzaga to sta.ana sentro cagayan, and a free motorbike ride from sentro to anguib beach. (there are no regular public transportation to the cove, one can either rent a motorbike/car or hire a driver to go there by land. an alternate route is to take a tricycle to san vicente port and hire a motorized boat.)


towards past midnight

no it's not because of the lights from the eiffel that compels me to still stay awake at this ungodly hour. there is a more compelling reason. to find relevance to an international regime where for more than three hours, parties have debated back and forth on the deletion, retaining, bracketing, unbracketing, explaining of the how's and why's. it's tedious work. now if i can only have the mic please... "thank you co-chairs. can we just adopt the text as they are since the negotations won't be going anywhere, and present them to the plenary for consideration."

but as it is, we have to continue on.

and besides, lights are already turned off past midnight.


smiles go miles *erk*

things have suddenly become heated here. discomforting silence. an exchange of arguments. immobile as wall. outburst.
discomforting silence. murmurs.

hopefully smiles after.

of course, we're all tired.


free night to the hunchback's sanctuary

fortunately, session had ended early allowing a free night for either catching up on sleep or taking the rounds in the city. nearly tempted to call it a night for a much needed resetting of both mind and body, the sunday night was to be a rare occasion in the remaining days not to go around and understand why they named the city the city of light. pigalle was a popular option but persistent thoughts about the hunchback's sanctuary overthrew any ideas of visiting the city's red light district.

so started what was initially thought to be only less than an hour walk along the seine river to the notre dame church which is really an almost two hour brisk walk (including short stops to certain landmarks). not an entirely bad thing considering four days of sitting an average of ten hours a day. given that it was already past seven when i started walking from the hotel, i reached the destination by dark with most night shots riskily taken handheld.

i could still have visited pigalle were it not for the sleep i very much needed to endure three more days of long sessions. there will still be one last night for this one, and the whole morning to mid afternoon before my flight home on the ninth.



discussions have become intense and interesting. they will escalate in the coming days til last day. sessions have ended late at night for a second time.

north korea did finally launch its rocket.

lebanese shish taouk (chunks of chicken skewers in pita sandwich) in between sessions last night.

i see chickens from luangphrabang... wearing slippers and running