leaving once

A "it's because i left the city raining, minus a pair of shoes, and with my sanity still intact. these were last year's, less than a couple of months more til they celebrate their first anniversary. i managed to find them still sitting in my hard drive.

"i did leave the city raining, managed to lose a favorite pair of adidas trail shoes a couple of nights before my going away, and also still managed to explore more than what's usual, lao style. ຂ້ອຍຊອກຫາເມຍ.

"almost three months have passed since i last set foot out of place. anyone (someone) still waits (hopefully). much of what could and should have been were lost and left in transit, on the roads. as we should in our lives take our pauses too, even for a while, to see and find what we are already missing. dahil sa minsanan, baka may dapat di nakaligtaan. at sa pinalagpas na panahon, di na mabalikan pa."

B "iba din siguro ang pakiramdam na di ka na nagiisa bumyahe sa buhay. yung alam mo ding may babalikan ka na."

(photos... luangphrabang, may 2008)


he opens too far

could it be he's gullible or just too trusting, although quiet, as if a separate world of his own exists swirling in jagged conversations inside his head, one can easily extract from him legends that noone would have ever thought them as part of who he is. his legends, true and unjaded, make him. ask him a question and he will send his life pages flipping alive. marvelous his stories are of his life, albeit true and unassuming, a problem speaks of him as being too open a book.

restraint demands him take doses of distrust and paranoia.

love on the other hand compels some sort of self sacrifice.

time also leaves scars, especially when absence makes the heart more callous and ingrained in pain. she appears to forget. he dwells in more longing. she seems to move on... far. she seems to move on... away.

he keeps... longing for a hopeful consummated meet.

and the more he trusts, the more his life opens with the world, the more the world becomes part of him, and all the love and pain the world keeps sweep him bitter, anxious, regretful, jealous. he confuses life. he loses love. he forgets to cherish what could have budded from the she he longs for. the gullibility of life spins wherever. i lose them all.



slightly feverish. gnawing headaches. but i am more reminded of what's posted for the days, the weeks and the months to come.

come drop me a moon.


losing mind

when it thought it would regain itself back, it seems to be further spiraling down limbo.

a clutter of ideas in its head
darting from here to there
a hodgepodge of handwritten notes
arrowing towards a circular nowhere.

when it thought writing will spur... it found a formidable wall of cluttered thoughts.

if only moonshine were around
(and tilt my sober imbalance to a focused flow.)


rizal arts festival - waray boys

Title: Waray Boys
Year: 2008
Medium: Watercolor

Size: 13.5x20.5
Artist: David de Vera


rizal arts festival - libangan

Title: Libangan
Year: 2008
Medium: Oil on Canvas
Size: 30x40
Artist: Ronald Limayo

sarisari ug budbud - kapihan sa bayawan

kailangan lang minsan ay mayroong kahit kaunting maaliwalas na pagunawa sa buhay upang umusad tayo na may direksyon at patutunguhan. pero sa mga panahong nagkakabuhul-buhol ang mga aninag ng buhay sa isipan natin, mahalaga ding huminto muna at hayaang madala sa pagdaloy, at kung kailan handa na, palabang lumangoy.

pero di lagian. nariyan ang pagkalito kung bakit, kung ano, kung paano. ito marahil ang halaga. ang malito ang lalong ilito.

yun nga lang. sa isang kapihan padapithapon, anu pa bang aabutin kundi kwentuhan, tsismisan at mga ideya't konsepto na sa unang dinig ay kalokohan ngunit may tinatago palang kayamanan, o nagpapahiwatig ng kaalaman pero sa loob ay isang alkansyang walang laman.

way klaro. unsa ra?


kanindot handurawon nga hangtud karon nagpabilin ang kalagsik ug kapiskay sa atong panglawas taliwala sa paghimamat sa mga hagit sa kinabuhi.


loko. magpasalamat gihapon kita sa grasya ug kalampusan.

ok. salamat.


bakun existing cultural practices

i have noticed that most of the visits i get come from search fields containing "bakun, benguet" or "the legend of duligen". in consideration of these persistent queries, and in honor of the place and the people in bakun, allow me to share what i have learned about the existing cultural practices during my visits there, since 2005.

there are traditional beliefs in the community of bakun which still have a great bearing on the actions of the members in relating to others. similar to what we know of the general filipino psyche on concepts such as "hiya", "galang", or "lalim", or "maykapal", the traditional beliefs in bakun also relate to an individual's perception of the self, others, and the world. PANIYEW is a belief on fear for what is not seen but known creator. INAYAN is about the fear for someone one can see and perceive. BA~IN is similar to the concept of HIYA or shame. TA~AN is known to be a belief about respect for mankind.

there is also a traditional form of labor exchange in farming in bakun which is called ALLUYON, also known in tagalog or filipino as BAYANIHAN. other practices in agriculture in bakun include: DENNET DELOS DI NEM~A/PAYEW where a chicken is offered as part of a belief that it will bless the rice after planting. likewise, for a good harvest, smoked pork and rice are offered during the harvest season. EPAS is another traditional practice where a small piglet is offered to be cooked and eaten by the family when a granary is first opened to provide blessing for a bountiful storage.

as concerns practices associated with courtship and marriage: TOMOK is a courtship ritual which seeks to obtain the parents' or guardians' consent; KAON is the actual marriage ceremony in which no sexual contact is allowed, where in relation to this SILIB is scheduled by the elders where the couple will sleep in separate beds; after the SILIB, a pig and local wine, tapey, will be offered as TETEG for one day ngilin then the couple can live as one; TOLTOLO or three pigs feast, at a time when the couple has already established themselves and could produce what they needed; and MAN~SIDA or a one week ngilin where an odd number (5, 7, 9 or 11) of pigs will be butchered as offerings.

on practices during pregnancy and birth: DADAWAK, where a pig will be butchered, and believed to hasten and make the delivery of the baby safe; ANAWANG where a chicken will be butchered, also to make a safe delivery; MAKSEL, or a welcome ritual for the baby where a bolo and agaldang and a chicken will be used to ensure that the child learns to speak early; and ABOSANG KINI~ING, a stew served to the mother and believed to enhance breastmilk production, done after birth and also believed to stop the mother's bleeding.

on rituals and practices associated with death: LAWIT where pigs or chickens are offered to guide the dead home; PAMAKAN or LEGADO where a chicken is offered to dead soldiers or a group of dead people as perceived in a dream or of bad health; LOBON where a pig and blanket are offered to dead parents as a substitute to AGAMID, a ritual to end the NGILIN (or mourning period) where pigs or carabaos are butchered depending on the family status. (source: municipal annual report and pakikipagkwentuhan)


motocross in bayawan city

february 22, 2009... i was told bayawan recently held its fiesta, and, could be, as part of the festivities, the city organized a motocross race for amateur and professional bikers. fortunately, i was in bayawan to witness and watch one live for the first time, which somehow awakened a childhood interest for motocross (which i was able to watch often in channel four in my younger years, but almost died in view of the very remote possibility of even learning to drive a motorbike then). now, almost in my thirties, the interest might just be revived now that i am gradually learning the basics of driving one.

we reached the race site, the newly built bus terminal in bayawan, just about when the women bikers started racing, and left almost after around two hours of watching and moving around for better views, while the sun was at its scorching peak.


phil work travel usuals

a reliable pair of rubber shoes... i've had adidas and tnf accompany me in a lot of travel transfers whether it be airplanes, ferries and boats, buses, motorbikes or tuktuks, tricycles or pedicabs, jeeps or multicabs. recently, i allowed lafuma its luxury opportunity to take me from mindanao to the visayas and back to luzon.

a sturdy set of packs... i have been work traveling with my black tnf duffel and black crumpler.

yes. two bulky bags. but i am developing another set of equipment for my light packing. now, allow me my comforts with these usuals (of which i'm sure you have too.)


allow me

to grow

give me

throw me
a hand
some forks

take me
where no
sums to some

to grow
to learn
to live

allow me

give me.