when jade tarnishes

i heard the door close behind ~ shutting them off from me, shutting me off from everyone else. more doors shun me.
i heard calls for what sounded like my name or could be of somebody else's. i deeply felt a compulsion of resentment to turn my back to all of them.

i have withered. i have lost all there is to keep lives and goals vibrant. they are eating the depleting remains of more than two years of hopeful expectations. choosing between a status quo offer, jaded it has become, or an unsure frontier. we only have to make one step.

i close my eyes and see only darkness. allow me to drown in a stuporous consciousness and wake up newly born.